I believe I have finally answered the question. The answer is YES. I started really thinking about what it would mean to have a girlfriend today. I kind of put the question on the back burner for a few weeks to focus on other ideas and happenings. Nevertheless, today it was brought back to the front of my mind by the events in the last few days. I have had some changes in my thoughts about this.
Every question I was trying to answer to help me figure out the overall question, either are unanswerable life questions that will always exist. Or can't be answered without first getting involved in a relationship with someone first. A simple 'catch 22' or a 'chicken and the egg' situation. That makes all of them mean nothing to the question at hand. Now, Does me saying yes mean that I am now out on the prowl looking for someone to be my girlfriend??? NO!!! There are several reasons for this. First, I have always believed in the idea that those people that end up meaning the most in your life cannot be found. You cannot just go searching for someone and make them mean something to you. It almost has to be a random meeting or something out of the blue. The ultimate idea is you cannot control it. Second, the first person that I will call girlfriend is already in my life... This person was in my life before I wrote the last blog and I almost knew at that point they would be special. I wrote the blog only to work through my thoughts and I almost didn't post it. But, I figured it couldn't hurt letting the world know what i was thinking and to get feedback from my closest friends on these ideas. Now this all brings up one more question... Would my thoughts on this have changed if I never met this person or they never became part of my life?????
This whole thing is another glowing example of how you cannot control when, how, or who you meet on your life. Nor can you control what those people you meet become in your life. Each person that enters your life, even if it is brief, has an effect. These people change you in ways you cannot imagine and can never figure out completely and they are all there for a reason.
Doesn't life seems great when you think you are in control... but you are never completely in control of what happens.That feeling of not being in control is one I have learned to love. When you fist think of it that way it is confusing and scary but it does not take long to realize that your life does not have to be controlled to be great. You just need to learn to ride the waves of life as they come. There will be low points and there will be high points. The low ones in life often cause us as humans to lose the faith that good things do still exist and even with a low point, you can still survive and get back to the top of the next wave. It isn't easy, but what in life is?
May you all of you be at the top of your waves.
Good Night.
Andrew
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Want a Girfriend?? (My history....)
What a question... I see this question all the time it is a standard ad here on FB for us guys. if you are going to ask a question there should be an answer to it right? I can answer this question... Do I want a girlfriend, yes and no. Hmmm...that is an interesting answer... I started dating late in my teens..I was already 16 before i really had a 'date'. Mainly due to where i was raised... the middle of the country miles from anyone my age... and also partly on how i was raised.. the only reason to date was to look for someone to marry.. WOW, Really!!! What an old fashioned idea. LOL. (this is an incite in to how i grew up) I took that literally for a long time, because i wasn't all that social as a child or teen and it took me several years to figure out what the world was really like and i am still working on some of that too. So a quick rundown of my history, I was with my first real girlfriend for 2 years. After that was over I then spent 8 months single. Then my next 'relationship'... it was 6+ years... and most of you know where that ended up so i will not go in to that. So, in reality i am just a freshman in the world of relationships or even dating... as there have only been a handful of those outside those 'relationships'. Many of you reading this may find that very interesting as I have never really shared this info about my life as openly as i have other stuff. But, as many of you have heard... I am an open book to the world, all you need to do is ask.
So, how can i say yes yet also say no? Well my life has changed allot in the last year. I have learned more about life in this time then i ever cared to know before and now i want to know everything i can. That is were my dilemma begins. I have been asking the same questions for months. Am I ready for a relationship? Can i handle everything? Is it possible that I am not mature enough to have a relationship? Is my knowledge about life itself is still to little? Should I wait? Should i just jump in to it and figure it out as i go? It is too early to even be worrying about my future relationships? Am i just being my standard self and thinking way to hard and too much? Even now, I have no idea how to answer any these questions except the last one... that is always answered with a YES!!!! LOL... I have been holding back even starting any type of involvement with anyone because of all of these questions. And even the dates i had been going on have done nothing other than make these questions more forward in my mind. It is also a huge reason why i am like i am.... Some times i blame how i act on my shyness that i have been battling most of my life and that is true to a point. Most of the time it is my thoughts making me second guess everything I do and say. This is more of a problem then shyness. It is hard to shut off your mind and not think. I know my face or something about me gives me away most of the time. because, i get asked allot what i am thinking about. a lot of the time my response is i am trying not too and that is an honest complete truth. I know what my thoughts do to me and i do my best to keep them at bay. I am not successful that often.
So do i want a girlfriend? yes and no. Do I want to have a date? yes and no. I have questions that raise even more questions that are for and against both of those ideas and i can't answer any of them. Isn't that a beauty of life... the crazy and far out there thinking that we have the ability to do to create questions we can't even answer. This thinking is fun and scary all at the same time. We as people can't standardly understand these questions we create about life... if we could we wouldn't have much to figure out while we live and life itself would just be boring. This hasn't gotten me any closer to any type of real answer to the question posed but it is one good set of thoughts... LOL
This has been a blog of exposure for me... I am letting out details about myself that most people never get close enough to either figure out or ask about. So why write this?? Because, there are people in this world I think should have this info yet I can't bring myself to just tell them... that is a discussion for a later blog. Have 'fun' with the questions you have created for yourself... I know i will be having 'fun' with these questions and others for a long time to come.
Andrew
So, how can i say yes yet also say no? Well my life has changed allot in the last year. I have learned more about life in this time then i ever cared to know before and now i want to know everything i can. That is were my dilemma begins. I have been asking the same questions for months. Am I ready for a relationship? Can i handle everything? Is it possible that I am not mature enough to have a relationship? Is my knowledge about life itself is still to little? Should I wait? Should i just jump in to it and figure it out as i go? It is too early to even be worrying about my future relationships? Am i just being my standard self and thinking way to hard and too much? Even now, I have no idea how to answer any these questions except the last one... that is always answered with a YES!!!! LOL... I have been holding back even starting any type of involvement with anyone because of all of these questions. And even the dates i had been going on have done nothing other than make these questions more forward in my mind. It is also a huge reason why i am like i am.... Some times i blame how i act on my shyness that i have been battling most of my life and that is true to a point. Most of the time it is my thoughts making me second guess everything I do and say. This is more of a problem then shyness. It is hard to shut off your mind and not think. I know my face or something about me gives me away most of the time. because, i get asked allot what i am thinking about. a lot of the time my response is i am trying not too and that is an honest complete truth. I know what my thoughts do to me and i do my best to keep them at bay. I am not successful that often.
So do i want a girlfriend? yes and no. Do I want to have a date? yes and no. I have questions that raise even more questions that are for and against both of those ideas and i can't answer any of them. Isn't that a beauty of life... the crazy and far out there thinking that we have the ability to do to create questions we can't even answer. This thinking is fun and scary all at the same time. We as people can't standardly understand these questions we create about life... if we could we wouldn't have much to figure out while we live and life itself would just be boring. This hasn't gotten me any closer to any type of real answer to the question posed but it is one good set of thoughts... LOL
This has been a blog of exposure for me... I am letting out details about myself that most people never get close enough to either figure out or ask about. So why write this?? Because, there are people in this world I think should have this info yet I can't bring myself to just tell them... that is a discussion for a later blog. Have 'fun' with the questions you have created for yourself... I know i will be having 'fun' with these questions and others for a long time to come.
Andrew
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Tomorrow will bring???
As today came to a close I heard something that made me want to blog. Today was a good day for me, did some work in the morning and then got some nap time in during the afternoon, and then some hang out time with great friends in the evening. So, just before heading to bed one phrase was said that made me think so much that I didn't go to sleep. A friend stated, "We will see what tomorrow brings". It almost stopped me in my tracks. I was astounded to hear a comment that has so much potential sound so extremely negative. I don't know if it was the negative nature of comment or just the idea of not knowing the future that made me want to blog.
I started thinking about my day and what 'tomorrow will bring'. I had a very great weekend and a great week overall. New people have entered my life that I am happy about and life itself has started meaning more to me than before. You all know the feeling when new people entire your life that makes you feel happy. At first it feels as if you have never been happier ever before. Time usually wears that feeling off a bit and you are left with the real feelings that this person brings to you. Sometimes those real feelings are strong enough to keep people together, and sometimes they aren't. I think feelings can be so confusing at first that no one should truly make seditions until they understand the true nature of their feelings. Now I know some times this point is never really reached and you must decide with out understanding and just shoot from the heart. I know that in my past my decisions were made long before the point of knowing what feeling were real. In my definition of 'rushing it' that is the key idea of what causes the rush. The strong feels that make us decide to do things to quickly and that is what causes ugliness in relationships.
So, what will tomorrow bring? Hopefully tomorrow will bring more questions and more understanding to your life. As this is the real nature of life. To look ahead and decide what life is bringing only makes the individual person doubt his/her decisions if they do not push them in the past that they see. Now, don't take that as if I am saying don't have goals and make decisions that help your reach those goals. I am saying don't limit yourself to those goals and those goals alone. Life isn't a set in stone thing. It hasn't been planed for you; it isn't a rat maze with only one way through. It is a maze with millions of turns and miss turns and endless paths to the finish line.
That is the other thing that comes from looking ahead a little too much. The thought of the finish line. The point in time in which life itself ends. In today's world, I think we have to think about this time way to much. Live insurance and death benefits for those we love. The act of writing a will is something that isn't easy for a lot of people. I have done it and I need to make changes to it but don't like the idea of it at all. I like the feeling it gives me when it is done and I know that things will be taken care of the way I want them too be. No hard decitions would have to be made by those that know me best. This world is unpredictable and as people in it we have to be ready for anything. I hate the idea that so much my life is really out of my hands.
Well sleep has been calling me as I have dosed off several times writing this. Sometimes looking forward in life is the best thing you can do. Just be carful not to change your life based on those outlooks. Try and sit back take what life brings you. Don't rush what you don't fully understand and don't get made when life brings you oranges when you want apples. You never know who needs oranges.....
Andrew
I started thinking about my day and what 'tomorrow will bring'. I had a very great weekend and a great week overall. New people have entered my life that I am happy about and life itself has started meaning more to me than before. You all know the feeling when new people entire your life that makes you feel happy. At first it feels as if you have never been happier ever before. Time usually wears that feeling off a bit and you are left with the real feelings that this person brings to you. Sometimes those real feelings are strong enough to keep people together, and sometimes they aren't. I think feelings can be so confusing at first that no one should truly make seditions until they understand the true nature of their feelings. Now I know some times this point is never really reached and you must decide with out understanding and just shoot from the heart. I know that in my past my decisions were made long before the point of knowing what feeling were real. In my definition of 'rushing it' that is the key idea of what causes the rush. The strong feels that make us decide to do things to quickly and that is what causes ugliness in relationships.
So, what will tomorrow bring? Hopefully tomorrow will bring more questions and more understanding to your life. As this is the real nature of life. To look ahead and decide what life is bringing only makes the individual person doubt his/her decisions if they do not push them in the past that they see. Now, don't take that as if I am saying don't have goals and make decisions that help your reach those goals. I am saying don't limit yourself to those goals and those goals alone. Life isn't a set in stone thing. It hasn't been planed for you; it isn't a rat maze with only one way through. It is a maze with millions of turns and miss turns and endless paths to the finish line.
That is the other thing that comes from looking ahead a little too much. The thought of the finish line. The point in time in which life itself ends. In today's world, I think we have to think about this time way to much. Live insurance and death benefits for those we love. The act of writing a will is something that isn't easy for a lot of people. I have done it and I need to make changes to it but don't like the idea of it at all. I like the feeling it gives me when it is done and I know that things will be taken care of the way I want them too be. No hard decitions would have to be made by those that know me best. This world is unpredictable and as people in it we have to be ready for anything. I hate the idea that so much my life is really out of my hands.
Well sleep has been calling me as I have dosed off several times writing this. Sometimes looking forward in life is the best thing you can do. Just be carful not to change your life based on those outlooks. Try and sit back take what life brings you. Don't rush what you don't fully understand and don't get made when life brings you oranges when you want apples. You never know who needs oranges.....
Andrew
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Year nearly over.....
Today I noticed an update on a friend's profile. It was a the type of update you expect a little closer to the end of this year as you start to thinking of the 12 month year coming up. The update was one of disappointment and realization of fallen ideas and dreams. It is the kind of change that makes you think of your own year and your own fallen dreams.
I started thinking about all that has happened this year. Even with all the life I had before the year 2008, this year was my worst and believe my best year of my life. It is hard to think about how good things are when so much has gone wrong. But sometime what has gone wrong causes what is right in your life. More has happened in this year than all 25 previous years of my life. The worst things in my life happened this year but at the same time the best things in my life also happened this year.
On January 1st 2008 I was a 6 ft, 210 lbs, 25 YO male. Today I am a 6 ft 165 lbs 25 YO male. I physically look different then I did those short months ago. I have moved in to a small one bedroom apartment from a huge 2 bedroom condo that I owned. I wreaked my MINI and it took over a month to get it fixed correctly. I have made drastic changes in my future plans. I have met new people that I now include in my plans for the future. I made giant leaps letting old friends know things that I never told them before. I have changed everything about who I am from the outside to how I feel on the inside. The importance level of almost everything has changed. I am no longer looking to what I is expected of me but I am looking to what I want and need for myself.
I started this year as a happy married man. I will be ending this year as a happier single man. It isn't the marriage ending that has made me happier... it is life itself that has made me happier. My outlook on life and my life itself has changed more then I knew was possible. I thought my life was perfect at the beginning of this year, but I learned differently. I learned what life really is about and what it takes to survive it. I learned how to live in the world that is real and not my own thought of what the world was. I have more confidence in myself than ever before. I have more life in me then knew existed. I am embracing life like never before. Honesty has become my first rule. Not that I wasn't honest before but I am more directly honest, I don't hide myself in any way. Questions are always answered if asked. No masks are worn to cover things that don't look good to the social world. I am a raw person because of what happened this year.
In short this year created the Andrew I always wanted to be and never had the guts or drive to create on my own. I am still learning how to be who I am today. I will be making mistakes and learning from them. I will never stop what has started within me this year. 2008 was a horrible year, yet was my best year. No matter what happens in all the years that come next, this year will stand out. I know life isn't as short as it seems but I am still going to live it as if that say was my last.
To all of you that have not had a that really bad year... You will just make sure you learn as much as you can from it as it will change your life.
Andrew
I started thinking about all that has happened this year. Even with all the life I had before the year 2008, this year was my worst and believe my best year of my life. It is hard to think about how good things are when so much has gone wrong. But sometime what has gone wrong causes what is right in your life. More has happened in this year than all 25 previous years of my life. The worst things in my life happened this year but at the same time the best things in my life also happened this year.
On January 1st 2008 I was a 6 ft, 210 lbs, 25 YO male. Today I am a 6 ft 165 lbs 25 YO male. I physically look different then I did those short months ago. I have moved in to a small one bedroom apartment from a huge 2 bedroom condo that I owned. I wreaked my MINI and it took over a month to get it fixed correctly. I have made drastic changes in my future plans. I have met new people that I now include in my plans for the future. I made giant leaps letting old friends know things that I never told them before. I have changed everything about who I am from the outside to how I feel on the inside. The importance level of almost everything has changed. I am no longer looking to what I is expected of me but I am looking to what I want and need for myself.
I started this year as a happy married man. I will be ending this year as a happier single man. It isn't the marriage ending that has made me happier... it is life itself that has made me happier. My outlook on life and my life itself has changed more then I knew was possible. I thought my life was perfect at the beginning of this year, but I learned differently. I learned what life really is about and what it takes to survive it. I learned how to live in the world that is real and not my own thought of what the world was. I have more confidence in myself than ever before. I have more life in me then knew existed. I am embracing life like never before. Honesty has become my first rule. Not that I wasn't honest before but I am more directly honest, I don't hide myself in any way. Questions are always answered if asked. No masks are worn to cover things that don't look good to the social world. I am a raw person because of what happened this year.
In short this year created the Andrew I always wanted to be and never had the guts or drive to create on my own. I am still learning how to be who I am today. I will be making mistakes and learning from them. I will never stop what has started within me this year. 2008 was a horrible year, yet was my best year. No matter what happens in all the years that come next, this year will stand out. I know life isn't as short as it seems but I am still going to live it as if that say was my last.
To all of you that have not had a that really bad year... You will just make sure you learn as much as you can from it as it will change your life.
Andrew
Friday, September 19, 2008
Blogging.... It be a fun hobby!!!!!!
Hola everyone!!!!
I will be spending some time alone this weekend. It is something I haven't done much of the last month or so. I have been working so much these days due to the loss of some co-workers in my department and this week was no exception to that. So the next few weeks are going to be my true weeks to prove what I can do as a computer tech. I have already proven to them enough to get what I have been looking for a long time... I received a promotion this week... A huge one considering my tenor with the company. It is nice to find a group of individuals that are together to make money (aka a company) that can see and appreciate talented workers and reward them for the work they do. I have always felt held back before. I generally think it is because I am young, "companies" (really the individuals that are in the companies) can only see the stereo type of a young man and not a truly experienced and knowledgeable individual. Now, I know this sounds a little cocky... but there is another piece to this puzzle this time around, something I didn't see before.
The other piece is....I am different NOW!!! Before the recent events in my life I have always felt like I was treated like a child, and not given the respect I thought I deserved, that was very cocky and childish. At that time I didn't know better I didn't have the information about life I have gained in this short period of my life. So I was a child at that time and I was treated as I was. I no longer feel like I am being treated like a child. Not because of the promotion but because my daily thoughts about life have changed and because I have found out life is too short to not live it to its fullest. This change in feelings states by reasoning alone that I have grown and am not acting childish, or as childish. If you can't free yourself like a child can you will always find yourself trapped in a life you don't like. This time of releasing your "inter child", for lack of better words, is the way I have been able to handle all the dead end jobs, frustrating bosses, endless work, endless paperwork, and just long days I have put in to prove my dedication to doing the best I can under any condition. It is not a goal of mine to be the best... it is simply put... a direct result of my upbringing and the way I was raised. It is a natural motion for me to add 20 mins to my work day and don't take munch breaks... or throw in a free utility install when I fix a computer for someone. IT IS ME!!!!
I used to have a good friend, he said in plain words "you hate being treated like a child, but you are acting like one" some time back and at that time it I made me very angry. Now, due to the turmoil, that friend was lost to me and I wish I could tell him "I understand what you meant!!!!!" I don't think he will read this... I don't even know if he has the ability/access to do so anymore. If he does.... "I don't what a message. I am moving on with life and even if things could be good again, it wouldn't ever feel right, and you know why."
WOW... here I am writing another private message to someone in a public place!!!! But I don't believe in privacy like I used too. I used to think that my life was mine and no one else's to share with... even those closest to me!! This is also a product of my upbringing!!! Hey not everything can be a good thing from childhood. But, I don't blame my upbringing, you see someone much wiser than me one said.... You can never blame people from the past. They did the best they could with the information they had AT THE TIME".((( Inside thing for those that were speaking to me yesterday.... see what all that talking did to me... made me want to share all my good shit with everyone. LOL ))) Do you think that if those you blame for wrongs done to us in the past would have done the same things to us then if they had the knowledge they have now????!!!! The biggest regrets in my life were not things that affected ME... they are the ones that affected others, the ones I now and even then cared about.
So that was a little tangent...LOL...
(Enter soft chime) "Now we have to stop for this week, BUT!!! Next week boys and girls. We are going to be discussing what privacy means to the young adult male living in a metro area in the US in the early 21st century. This will be a great topic and I hope all you viewers at home will all tune in. From all of us here GOOD NIGHT!!!!" LOL!!!
if you just read that I am really sorry... Something must really be wrong with me this week. I am writing some really stupid shit!!!!
Bye!!
Andrew
I will be spending some time alone this weekend. It is something I haven't done much of the last month or so. I have been working so much these days due to the loss of some co-workers in my department and this week was no exception to that. So the next few weeks are going to be my true weeks to prove what I can do as a computer tech. I have already proven to them enough to get what I have been looking for a long time... I received a promotion this week... A huge one considering my tenor with the company. It is nice to find a group of individuals that are together to make money (aka a company) that can see and appreciate talented workers and reward them for the work they do. I have always felt held back before. I generally think it is because I am young, "companies" (really the individuals that are in the companies) can only see the stereo type of a young man and not a truly experienced and knowledgeable individual. Now, I know this sounds a little cocky... but there is another piece to this puzzle this time around, something I didn't see before.
The other piece is....I am different NOW!!! Before the recent events in my life I have always felt like I was treated like a child, and not given the respect I thought I deserved, that was very cocky and childish. At that time I didn't know better I didn't have the information about life I have gained in this short period of my life. So I was a child at that time and I was treated as I was. I no longer feel like I am being treated like a child. Not because of the promotion but because my daily thoughts about life have changed and because I have found out life is too short to not live it to its fullest. This change in feelings states by reasoning alone that I have grown and am not acting childish, or as childish. If you can't free yourself like a child can you will always find yourself trapped in a life you don't like. This time of releasing your "inter child", for lack of better words, is the way I have been able to handle all the dead end jobs, frustrating bosses, endless work, endless paperwork, and just long days I have put in to prove my dedication to doing the best I can under any condition. It is not a goal of mine to be the best... it is simply put... a direct result of my upbringing and the way I was raised. It is a natural motion for me to add 20 mins to my work day and don't take munch breaks... or throw in a free utility install when I fix a computer for someone. IT IS ME!!!!
I used to have a good friend, he said in plain words "you hate being treated like a child, but you are acting like one" some time back and at that time it I made me very angry. Now, due to the turmoil, that friend was lost to me and I wish I could tell him "I understand what you meant!!!!!" I don't think he will read this... I don't even know if he has the ability/access to do so anymore. If he does.... "I don't what a message. I am moving on with life and even if things could be good again, it wouldn't ever feel right, and you know why."
WOW... here I am writing another private message to someone in a public place!!!! But I don't believe in privacy like I used too. I used to think that my life was mine and no one else's to share with... even those closest to me!! This is also a product of my upbringing!!! Hey not everything can be a good thing from childhood. But, I don't blame my upbringing, you see someone much wiser than me one said.... You can never blame people from the past. They did the best they could with the information they had AT THE TIME".((( Inside thing for those that were speaking to me yesterday.... see what all that talking did to me... made me want to share all my good shit with everyone. LOL ))) Do you think that if those you blame for wrongs done to us in the past would have done the same things to us then if they had the knowledge they have now????!!!! The biggest regrets in my life were not things that affected ME... they are the ones that affected others, the ones I now and even then cared about.
So that was a little tangent...LOL...
(Enter soft chime) "Now we have to stop for this week, BUT!!! Next week boys and girls. We are going to be discussing what privacy means to the young adult male living in a metro area in the US in the early 21st century. This will be a great topic and I hope all you viewers at home will all tune in. From all of us here GOOD NIGHT!!!!" LOL!!!
if you just read that I am really sorry... Something must really be wrong with me this week. I am writing some really stupid shit!!!!
Bye!!
Andrew
Monday, September 15, 2008
Hey everyone!!!
Who are your friends? That is a question I asked myself this week. Now I know what you all are thinking... "Who did what to cause him to make him think they were not his friend". That isn't it at all. I asked that question because I have so many people I call friends that it made me think how broad the definition of friend is.
I seem to bundle all my friends in to one category: "Friend". But I have all types, Acquaintance friends, MINI club friends, "real" friends, "fake" friends, great friends, FaceBook friends, MySpace friends, online friends, old friends, new friends, girl friends, girlfriends, guy friends, best friends, close friends, long distance friends, and family friends. And I am sure there are a thousand other types of friends out there. At want point can you call someone a friend? When you met the first time, the second time. I have friends I have never met.
I thought long and hard about this and I have decided to cut a few people from my friends list. Now everyone, don't get all up in arms just yet. I am making a choice to classify a friend as someone that means something to me. Now that list is still going to be very long... and it isn't like I have a real list of my friends and I am going to go through it and mark them off with a big red marker... LOL. I am just changing what it means to become my friend. What it means to have me call you friend. This last week, a great, best, online, and FaceBook friend of mine didn't respond to a message I had sent. So, I sent another, still no response. I was worried about my friend... a real worry... I was afraid that my friend was gone. I wanted to be sure they were ok. So, very long story short everything is ok... I was just getting prematurely paranoid... LOL.
So what does this mean to all of you reading this...well there are some harsh truths to this... first, I hope that I let you who need to know what you truly mean to me. Second, there are some of you out there that don't have a close place within me. Some of you don't mean much to me. It sounds horrible saying such things. But it is the truth. We all try to pretend the truth isn't something we know and recognize... we all know that it is there. We all know that there are those people that we call "friends" that if they disappear one day, it would mean nothing to us. I think that is very sad truth. I guess we need to make sure those who really mean something to us realize it. Because you may never know how others view your friendship. You could be sitting on a goldmine of great and best type of friends and never know it.
This isn't the most upbeat blog I have written and I know some times you can't always be truthful with people about what they mean to you. Sometime telling someone that they mean something to you causes problems, and telling someone they mean nothing is just cruel. I don't see myself putting this in to direct practice everyday it is just my thoughts and ideas on the subject that have spawned this week with the feeling of loss over my friend. So please don't take anything personally.
To everyone... friends or not... have a good week.
Andrew
A special note to that lost friend: I know you will read this, I know you know what you mean to me but you should be told again. I still miss you, I hope you a quick return, and that all is well in with you.
I seem to bundle all my friends in to one category: "Friend". But I have all types, Acquaintance friends, MINI club friends, "real" friends, "fake" friends, great friends, FaceBook friends, MySpace friends, online friends, old friends, new friends, girl friends, girlfriends, guy friends, best friends, close friends, long distance friends, and family friends. And I am sure there are a thousand other types of friends out there. At want point can you call someone a friend? When you met the first time, the second time. I have friends I have never met.
I thought long and hard about this and I have decided to cut a few people from my friends list. Now everyone, don't get all up in arms just yet. I am making a choice to classify a friend as someone that means something to me. Now that list is still going to be very long... and it isn't like I have a real list of my friends and I am going to go through it and mark them off with a big red marker... LOL. I am just changing what it means to become my friend. What it means to have me call you friend. This last week, a great, best, online, and FaceBook friend of mine didn't respond to a message I had sent. So, I sent another, still no response. I was worried about my friend... a real worry... I was afraid that my friend was gone. I wanted to be sure they were ok. So, very long story short everything is ok... I was just getting prematurely paranoid... LOL.
So what does this mean to all of you reading this...well there are some harsh truths to this... first, I hope that I let you who need to know what you truly mean to me. Second, there are some of you out there that don't have a close place within me. Some of you don't mean much to me. It sounds horrible saying such things. But it is the truth. We all try to pretend the truth isn't something we know and recognize... we all know that it is there. We all know that there are those people that we call "friends" that if they disappear one day, it would mean nothing to us. I think that is very sad truth. I guess we need to make sure those who really mean something to us realize it. Because you may never know how others view your friendship. You could be sitting on a goldmine of great and best type of friends and never know it.
This isn't the most upbeat blog I have written and I know some times you can't always be truthful with people about what they mean to you. Sometime telling someone that they mean something to you causes problems, and telling someone they mean nothing is just cruel. I don't see myself putting this in to direct practice everyday it is just my thoughts and ideas on the subject that have spawned this week with the feeling of loss over my friend. So please don't take anything personally.
To everyone... friends or not... have a good week.
Andrew
A special note to that lost friend: I know you will read this, I know you know what you mean to me but you should be told again. I still miss you, I hope you a quick return, and that all is well in with you.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Hola!!!
Hola everyone.
It has been a while sense my last blog. I have been keeping my life a little more private lately. Not that I don't want anyone to know what I am up to... Just life is complicated sometimes and keeping some of that stuff to yourself helps us deal with them.
Life is not about what we believe it is. It is about being who we are for real. I believe most of us forget who we are inside in order to portray the person on the outside. I have been doing this allot lately, trying to forget my internal self to do things in this world that I would normally not do. Now, I know what you all are thinking, "What is he doing?" Don't worry I am talking about good things. I am taking more confident steps to making my life better. Something my internal self would never allow me to do. Taking the steps to make sure I survive and live how I wish to live. Leaving my nice guy nature in the background and really taking an aggressive roll in my own future. You all know me... some better than others... I am not aggressive at all. Yet I am becoming that way. I don't think it is bad. I just need to make sure I don't let the success (if it is successful) go to my head and ruin it all with cockiness. That wouldn't be a good outcome.
Life will go on weather I am completely who I want to be or not. I have had to decide to let some things the same in order to survive and I am finding things in myself that I am willing to ignore in order to have a better life. These things are not all bad things, just things I wish I didn't have. I spent several years ignoring things from my past. Some good some bad things. I am looking back at those now. Doing something about them. I have made great leaps with some things that I never expected I ever would. I am moving my life forward faster than I thought I would. I suspect that it is because I was actively working on myself that this has happened. I was making sure I was doing well and making sure I was well.
Not everything in life is good. I have standard problems just like everyone else. Problems with acne... sunburns... friends and drama. And standard life issues with money, apartment, and work. Not everything can be going right at the same time because life would be boring.
Well until next time... keep life interesting.
Andrew
It has been a while sense my last blog. I have been keeping my life a little more private lately. Not that I don't want anyone to know what I am up to... Just life is complicated sometimes and keeping some of that stuff to yourself helps us deal with them.
Life is not about what we believe it is. It is about being who we are for real. I believe most of us forget who we are inside in order to portray the person on the outside. I have been doing this allot lately, trying to forget my internal self to do things in this world that I would normally not do. Now, I know what you all are thinking, "What is he doing?" Don't worry I am talking about good things. I am taking more confident steps to making my life better. Something my internal self would never allow me to do. Taking the steps to make sure I survive and live how I wish to live. Leaving my nice guy nature in the background and really taking an aggressive roll in my own future. You all know me... some better than others... I am not aggressive at all. Yet I am becoming that way. I don't think it is bad. I just need to make sure I don't let the success (if it is successful) go to my head and ruin it all with cockiness. That wouldn't be a good outcome.
Life will go on weather I am completely who I want to be or not. I have had to decide to let some things the same in order to survive and I am finding things in myself that I am willing to ignore in order to have a better life. These things are not all bad things, just things I wish I didn't have. I spent several years ignoring things from my past. Some good some bad things. I am looking back at those now. Doing something about them. I have made great leaps with some things that I never expected I ever would. I am moving my life forward faster than I thought I would. I suspect that it is because I was actively working on myself that this has happened. I was making sure I was doing well and making sure I was well.
Not everything in life is good. I have standard problems just like everyone else. Problems with acne... sunburns... friends and drama. And standard life issues with money, apartment, and work. Not everything can be going right at the same time because life would be boring.
Well until next time... keep life interesting.
Andrew
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