Time

Free time. Many of us wish we had more of it. It allows us to do the fun things in life outside what is required or demanded. It us to relax from the day to day struggles that keep us stressed and tired. For me free time is different. It gives me time to think, to dream, and to remember. None of these are good things for me.

I am not the person that needs more time to think. I already over think everthing. By now everything in my life has been went over at least several dozen times. Each time with new ideas making minor changes to the situations and deciding what would happen 'if' this or that. It is like working through your own life as if it were a chess board. Trying to see every possible move 10 steps ahead. I am alreadying planning what I should be doing through the first week of May 'if' everything works out next week as planed. I am driving myself insain.

the excisive thinking causes a lot of problems in the dreaming area. It is fine to have dreams. Dreams of reaching goals or dreams of someing nearly unatainable. To dream of worlds and ideas it what makes us creative and inovative. But when you have too much time like me and you over think everything like me, you end up doing what I do. I take my dreams and mix them in to my chess board. You can imagine what that combnation can result in. I find myself feeling being lost in a chess board filled less and less with reality.

Then I start to rememebr what it was like to have a porpose in the real world. A reason why I got out of bed. I start to think back further to the times when I was happy, to the times I was in love, the times I was sad, and the times I was in pain. The good times and the bad times all make me feel sad now. the good times because I miss them, and the bad times because they gave me reasons to be better. I can't describe now as a bad time or a good time. It is just open, free time. Too much to do with no way of doing anything. I can't describe the almost empty feeling this leaves me with.

Time is a river flowing through life... right now I am addrift but there doesn't seem to be any currents.

Andrew

(Posting this one without proofing it... sorry ;) )

Posting it up again

Whats up?

I am starting to get used to this no free time thing. It has driven me to start using my time very differently. I am spending less time working on each item and moving on to the next project more quickly. Just like this short little blog. 20 mins ago I was doing DNS and VPN maintenance. Quick note... just added a bunch of new features to my Google Apps account, going to be testing out the Google Code repository. Might might migrate from my SVN to that if it works well. Don't really know if I need that level of system for what little I play around with. But you never know!!! I spent about 30 mins doing some simple cleanup and some VPN software updates now I am blogging. I am trying to keep myself from spending 3 hours just playing around with features of the new stuff I find. Never been able to keep myself settled down when there is something cool to go check out.

Just got a new HD for my laptop to fill the second empty slot. Taking my system to the big time with a 640GB 5400 2.5" SATA drive. Picked it up at a bulk rate for only 100 bucks. I filled up my current 160 GB main drive about three days after I installed Windows 7. I am going to dump all my offline files and storage data on this second drive. Maybe in 6 months or so I can pick up a new main drive. Something with a 16MB buffer and a 7200 rpm spin. That will boost the system performance by a huge amount. Who knows maybe even a RAM upgrade... the hardware will support 8 GB!!! I think I need to think about a server to replace my 6 year old server before I start upgrading the now only 12 month old laptop. You never know these days... I may not have time to work on such things.

well that is enough for this update. I will be in touch!!

Andrew